This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
