Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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