Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She announced her abortion via fbk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
