My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
