mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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