Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nicole vs. Life
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
