3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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