hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
