I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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