The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
