Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
