I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
