dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
