What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
