you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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