Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
