Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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