the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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