she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
