This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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