im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
