erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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