Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
