i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You ruined the universe
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
