If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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