you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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