I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
