I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
