I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
