There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize