he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
