physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
