My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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