when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
