That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
