The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
