Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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