He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
