He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
