Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
