i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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