blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
