I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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