The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
