she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize