I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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