I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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