Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
