So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
