I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
