my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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