my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
