omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
