after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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