My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
