Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
