he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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