So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
