i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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