There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
