Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
