watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
