I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
