Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
