make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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