just come out here and I will go home with you...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
