just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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